ampuunn! kaget ga sih kalo temen + sahabat kamu ternyata orangnya "sana-sini oke", kamu misalnya curhat masalah kamu tentang si A trus dia support pandangan kamu yang mungkin bisa aja negatif eeehhh trus waktu si A cerita tentang gw dia juga support pandangan si A yang mungkin aja negatif. Temen kayak gini nih yang gila, udah ga trust-worthy ditambah ga bisa stand up buat kita. I don't need wealthy, pretty and famous friend, all i need is a friend who tell me whats wrong with me and whats good inside me, stand up for me when everybody bring me down, courage me to improving spiritually and trust worth! Eventho i have friend like that, what happen to other friends of mine sometime shake my trust to what friendship is. Frankly, human esp me can't live alone but get hurt easily by other. But thanks to god who always teach me to forgive and forget, without him my life cant be as peaceful as now.

Matthew 6:14-15

My life recently is like a circle, not improving and moving. Mistakes I've made somehow i make it again, words i said somehow i say it again, routines i did somehow i do it again. Its kinda of boring to draw a circle repeatedly on a piece of paper, when it is first drawn it is very light and pure but the more times the circle is drawn however, the more distort and blackened it becomes. I hardly stop doing mistakes I've already made from the past and yess its stupid. I think i need to take a lot of time to meditate and calm my mind.

Matthew 6:14

Do you know that people spread the word not that correctly? Frankly they do, they are imperfect human. The best way to keep one's word is simply not to give it. Because what is told in the ear of somebody is often heard 100 miles away. Nowadays there are persons who when they cease to shock us, they cease to interest us. And also remember that whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. Does gossip sounds that scary? yess it is and as for me, i make myself clear that I'm not into any scandal or gossip anymore, at least for now. Anonymous asked "What's the difference between gossip and scandal?" Well anyone can commit a minor indiscretion and generate a day's worth of buzz. But in order to birth a true scandal, it requires the right person to be in the wrong place. How about take you on a pedestal, add a crowd eager to see you fall and give them the means to knock you down, you know how it ends.
What about those who talks? Gossip shouldn't make you mad if you aren't refuse to make it too. Terima aja deh kalo diomongin toh lu juga suka ngomongin. Have you realized that sometimes, in an effort to spread the most outrageous rumors, they look over the very thing that's even more scandalous—the truth. And the only thing more shocking than the truth are the lies people tell to cover it up. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there would be no gossip without secrets.

Proverbs 25:18

Dreams.
Everyone has them. Some good, some bad.
Some you wish you could forget.
Sometimes you realize, you've outgrown them.
Sometimes you feel like they're finally coming true.
And some of us, just have nightmares.
But no matter what you dream, when morning comes,
reality intrudes and the dream begins to slip away.
Dream a little dream of me.

Well its senior year and it means wherever you go they always will ask you " mau kuliah dimana ? " as for me , i have no idea . Successful parents expect nothing less from their offspring. and when it comes to college, that means ITB ? hahahaha . But for me its more than just getting into college, its setting a course for the rest of my life . Right now the only thing i wanna do is pray pray pray for an answer . God always shows the way, the right way .

1 Thessalonians 5:7

Tried to take a picture of love, didn't think I'd miss him that much and I wanna fill this new frame but it's empty. Maybe im trying too hard, maybe im torn apart, maybe the timing is beating my hearts but im empty.

stressed out from everything and i just need somebody to hold on .

The fact that i still miss this guy sometimes actually bothering me . A lots of things must have been turned my head off of him recently and there is one moment today that reminds me of him, its a piano . Every chords sounded just like him . I wasn't upset about it, i felt better because i still have those silly memories on my head after a year have passed . The last time we met, he didn't even talk to me and i dont mind because i didn't even want to talk pointless things to him . He have his own life now and then . And apparently i have a good life to catch up too.

First week at school after a very long holiday seemed happy end but since im going to face UTS (ujian tengah semester or exam) next week i have to prepare myself and my brain . huaahahaha .

When everybody start to go to school and doing their daily routine after having holiday, i frankly doing nothing. Well iam going to service and brunch with this person bellow (if you get confused somehow, shes eva merlinda or known as elynn ) . And maybe later if my mom doesn't change her mind, we are going to temasek to check their college programs and ohh we are going to buy bags! yeahh baby! eventhough its only a school bag hahahah . At least I'm not doing nothing today, I'm going to preaching now .

Matthew 6:33

Eva Merlinda is my childhood best friend . It has been 10 years of our friendship and we've been thru very good times and we kept it all the way until now . I know how lucky i am to have a friend like her and how unlucky she is to have a friend like me (eventhough i know whats on her mind now - the opposite hahaha). We spent a really real lot of time (10 years duh?) . I write this thing because I've mistaken her in someway and sometime . It started when i receive some bad news (referred that I've talked to everyone about someone badly) caused by an unknown outsider , somehow people around me started to questioned if shes trust-worthy enough? and i began to doubt a lot of thing on her . There was one girl who was so well-manipulative (fyi : who currently still close to me because i don't know how to make her opinions go away hehe) and there was me who was confused and hurt so when they mixed up , what will happen? we drifted apart for a two or three months. In the other hand, my best friend had her "drifted apart" time with a really positive persons around her who told her that i wouldn't let bad thing came to our friendship . Above all, I want to admit that i was wrong and stupid . Well that's a little and the only hard time we've been thru . I know that she loves me no matter what! She’s a shoulder to cry on or a partner to laugh with. She stands by me in my times of need and listens when we're excited. She knows every little thing about me. She stands up for me when others don’t. AND NO ITS NOT ABOUT ME . Its about how we can keep this thing between us so good a thing we wouldn't achieve if we never involve our great creator in our friendship .

Proverbs 17:17

Unknown talk and friend stab, that's how it should be but with me you will never know what to talk and where to stab. People often talk about everything im not and that's somehow truly hurt but hey they're unknown, i dont do bad things and they dont know me as much as they think they are. Friend often stab his/her own friend but they never realize it, why? because its what they are, they cant even help it. For me, i have a really good social circle eventhough i might find those kind of people and friends but i will always forgive for a thing they didn't even do.

Ephesians 4:26,27

After studied math, i suddenly think about what future holds! Well not that so-called future but just what college i will apply in to next year. Somehow it become so complicated, lots of great college names runs to my head and i even cant make it to three. My current desire is ITB, why? oh please don't ask! its just simply because its good. What I'm going study there? i don't know, but because i got social class i can only major in fine art and business. Ughh i got this nerve-wreck feelings when i talk about college because i know the time will come when i finally take off my putih-abuabu uniform and feel how hard is it to be a MAHASISWI. No wayy! i need to calm down!

ohh ella you still have UAN coming soon, those university decision is way ahead kay?!

Love Your Darling Ella

Yohaaa! I can't believe I am officially seventeen yesterday, yet it did not feel like such. It was a seventeen and i wasn't celebrating any of it. Who do i have become? nobody. What do i have achieve? nothing. Every year those questions runs to my head, especially when it comes to birthday. A day when you realize you are growing old, reducing random attitudes, adding mature qualities, guessing what future holds and making great memories. The only thing that makes me happy when it comes to birthday is the "im old enough" kind of thought. Well its a thought not a reality, reality is an upside down of your thought and it kills me somehow.

Loves Your Darling Ella ...

Your first love. You know who I’m talking about because I bet you read the words ‘first love’ and that one boy came into your mind. There’s nothing like the first boy you were so afraid to lose, the boy that changed you, changed your expectations, change the way you looked at yourself and the world, the one that you will compare all other guys to because you know he’s the one that set the standards for love.

Dulu ku tak pernah percayakan cinta yang tak harus memiliki. Pernah ku paksakan walau tak sejalan meski ku tau ku salah kini ku akui hatiku tak bisa slalu miliki dirimu. Dan ku coba melupakanmu karna ku tau kau bukan milikku dan ku coba 'tuk bertahan.

"menapak jalan yg menjauh, tentukan arah yg ku mau, tempatkan aku pada satu peristiwa yg membuat hati lara, di dekat engkau aku tenang, sendu matamu penuh tanya misteri hidup akankah menghilang dan bahagia di akhir cerita ..... "